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History, mystery and Harry Pottery on epic canal route

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This is the stuff of legends. From the mythology of the Loch Ness monster via the cultural phenomenon of the Harry Potter books and movies to the original “power couple” who helped turn Australia from a prison camp to a thriving colony, this gem of a cruise has everything.

And even if you just appreciate the rugged Scottish coastline, the brooding distant mountains and river cruising on a boutique luxury boat, this is a next-level opportunity.

You may not see Nessie (the Loch Ness Monster) but if you have some Scots in your lineage, there’s no better place to be wearing your clan’s tartan. Research at clan.com and ask your partner for honest feedback if they think you’ll rock a kilt or are better off with a scarf or trews (that’s Scottish for trousers of course).

Also, there’s a chance to ride a very well-known train over a very famous bridge and shout in a French accent from a Pythonesque castle.

Australian small ship cruising specialist, Cruise Traveller, is offering a saving of £200 British pounds per person for bookings made by September 6, 2024. It’s their way to get Aussies onboard the classic, 52-guest Lord of the Glens, for the unique experience.

One of the world’s smallest cruise lines, Lord of the Glens, which operates an elegant, boutique vessel of the same name, its design and fit-out inspired by the Royal Yacht Britannia, offers lovers of ‘slow travel’ an intimate journey through the wild and far-flung isles, lochs, canals and highlands of Scotland.

The Lord of the Glens was purpose-built to explore the pristine and intricate waterways of the Scottish Highlands, including the historic Caledonian Canal, the famous, hauntingly deep waters of Loch Ness – deeper than the North Sea – and Scotland’s many pristine islands and dramatic coastlines, dotted with castles and quaint, storybook hamlets.

Modelled on the elegance of the monarchy’s Royal Yacht Brittania, the stylish Lord of the Glens boasts a rich, traditional ambience with polished wood, teak decks, personal service and gourmet dinners sourced from fresh Scottish produce. Fares include shore excursions and all cabins boast water views of Scotland’s ruggedly spectacular coastline.

Cruise Traveller is offering a trio of six-night cruises this October aboard Lord of the Glens from Oban to Inverness in Scotland or vice versa.

The centrepiece of each of the identical journeys is a passage along the length of the historic, 100km-long Caledonian Canal which connects Scotland’s east and west coasts and takes guests through the Scottish Highlands via 29 locks and four lochs including Loch Ness, home to the myth of ‘Nessie’, the monster.     

The route from Inverness to Oban heads down the Caledonian Canal, built in the 1820s, past the breathtaking ruins of 800-year-old Urquhart Castle and through Loch Ness and other brooding lakes that lie in the shadow of mighty Ben Nevis, Scotland’s highest peak.

As a side tour, guests will take a train ride across the beautiful Glenfinnan Rail Viaduct which starred in the Harry Potter films.

The journey takes in the tower house of Castle Stalker where the hit film, ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’, was filmed and, passing the former home of Elizabeth Macquarie at Appin, heads to the Isle of Mull where you’ll find her last resting place alongside her husband Lachlan in a mausoleum maintained by the Australian government.

The Macquaries not only gave Sydney a multitude of placenames, he is widely credited with naming the whole country as well as establishing the concept of the “fair go”.

Including shore touring, the six-night cruise aboard Lord of the Glens is available from £1980 British Pounds per person, twin-share – a saving of £100 British Pounds if booked by September 6, 2024. 

Three sailings are available – October 6, 12 and 18, 2024. Fare based on the October 12 and 18 departures.   Flights from Australia are additional.

For all the details and pricing, call Cruise Traveller, on 1800 507 777 or CLICK HERE

Hike the Caledonian Canal, Monster optional.

Cruise the wild waterways of Scotland

How Elizabeth Macquarie defied “fake news” to restore her husband’s reputation.

Hungry hikers: Eating our way across southern France

Last northern spring my Bafta winning writer friend and former TV presenter Kieran Prendiville and I took on a perilous hike through northern Provence.

It was perilous because at every turn we were plied with ridiculous amounts of delicious food and gallons of wine to wash it down with.

The hiking was actually really hard for a couple of codgers like us, but the rewards were well worth the aching limbs and near heart attacks.

You can read the full story on the SMH Traveller online pages and you can read Kieran’s version of events here. Meanwhile here are some pictures to give you a taste of what it was like.

Les Florets at Girondas

Was this a serious climb? That guy has ropes!

The hunger games: best and worst in-flight food

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What’s the best or worst meal you have ever had on a plane?  And look, I realise that regardless of the promotions that appear periodically, you don’t choose to fly somewhere just so you can have a re-heated meal that was “designed and curated” by a celebrity chef.

That said, you can eat splendidly well on an aeroplane and the nearer you are to the front, the better the food gets.

I recall Todd McKenney telling me that when one of the big Middle Eastern airlines (I think it was Etihad) started flying out of Sydney, they were offering two first class seats to London for the price of one.

Sauteed scallops with roasted mushrooms and rice

He and a pal jumped on the deal and apart from fabulously comfy seats and lie-flat beds, the food service was basically off the scale.  I think they were the only passengers up at the pointy end and the on-board chef, yes chef, wheeled up a trolley and cooked the entire menu for them before their very eyes.

The worst service I have ever heard of was on a charter flight one of my sisters took from Manchester, England, to Cairo.  There were two meal services planned for the flight but the caterers had only loaded enough food for half the plane.

Instead of spreading the food across one service, the stewards served the front half of the cabin until lunch ran out. Then, when the second mealtime rolled around, yes, you guessed it, they served the front half of the cabin again and left the rear half hungry. Why?  “Because we always serve the front seats first” – a risky tactic in a plane full of hungry Glaswegians and Mancunians

Avoiding jet lag

None of this would affect my partner Sue who doesn’t eat on flights at all, having heard that air stewards don’t so they can avoid jet lag.  She swears by it and I’m happy to encourage this as it means I get the choice of two meals (which, if you read to the end, you will realise can be critical) and sometimes both.

So what’s the worst meal I’ve ever had.  There are so many contenders that they have all merged into one pungent, glutinous mess in my memory.  There are some foods that just aren’t meant to be cooked or reheated at 30,000 feet above sea level. 

And just to finish you off, fruit, cheese and crackers

Toad in the hole (sausage cooked in an egg batter) on a British Airways flight to London sticks in the memory (and elsewhere).

The best service I’ve ever had was on an Iceland air flight from New York to Glasgow where I expressed deep disappointment that my vegetarian meal hadn’t turned up. 

The steward went away and created a grazing plate including smoked salmon from the crew’s rations.  I was already halfway through it when I remembered I had booked the vego meal on the next flight, not this one. Oops. But it was delicious.

Oh, and how does a vegetarian eat toad-in-the-hole? You free the toad – then decide not to eat it the stuff around the hole anyway.

Best meal ever

Before I embark on my rant on vegetarianism, it’s only fair to nominate the best meal I ever had on a flight. It was from Paris to Hanoi on Vietnam airlines, business class (paid for, if you must know) and it was a code-share with Air France, which pretty much says it all.

The menu for the first leg – thankfully there was a fish dish.

If I recall correctly there was a starter of crab chowder, sushi salmon and toast, sauted scallops with roasted mushrooms and rice for the main, and a fruit and cheese plate to finish, all washed down with very drinkable reds.

The second-best in-flight meal was the outward bound trip from Hanoi to Paris (as you will see from the menu here). Now, looking at that menu you will see there is no vegetarian option, which is fine for me as I’m pescatarian (or a pesce-vegetarian, as opposed to a pesky one).

Which brings me to a message for the people who put catering on aeroplanes.  It’s quite simple: vegetarians don’t eat meat. Wait!  I’m not finished. Meat eaters will eat almost anything – with a couple of notable exceptions.

More on them later, but if you want to test my theory, go out for dinner with a vegetarian in your group and watch how the carnivores hop into the vego’s food while offering nothing in return.

No one goes hungry 

But why would airlines care about vegetarians?  Perhaps because there’s more than 12 percent of Aussies who eschew the meaty chew and that’s a significant enough proportion of the population to inspire the bigger burger chains to put a veggie option on their buns.

So here’s my thing – if an airline doesn’t offer the option to pre-order meat-free meals on long-haul flights, then they should always have one vegetarian option in the food service. Nobody will go hungry.

Flying into Saigon from Sydney last week, the supper option was stir-fried pork in noodles or a kind of omelette with bacon through it. So the choice was pig or pig.

All I got was an extra bun and serve of butter.  The same problem would have applied if I had been Jewish or Muslim. It’s not that hard, guys. Put one thing on the food trolley that everyone can eat (apart, maybe from gluten-intolerant vegans).

I mention that specifically because on a recent Fiji Airlines and Qantas flight I was told my vegetarian option was basically a wilted salad while the rest of the passengers were being offered a choice between meat or macaroni cheese.

I pointed out that mac’n’cheese is vegetarian and the stewardess virtually sprinted down the aisle to snaffle the last portion before it went to an unappreciative meat eater. Now, that’s what I call food service.

Great Escapes: Our worst airline trip ever

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You can have uncomfortable seats, long delays and bad food, but that doesn’t quite match two strike-hit flights, stolen seats, lost tickets and the threat of arrest by air marshalls as Jimmy and Sue encountered on their first “romantic” flight together.

We were talking the other day about bad travel experiences and it got to the worst flight (or flights) ever. For that we have to go back a way, which may just be an indication of how much air travel has improved in the last 30 years.

The travel arrangements were tricky to begin with.  Sue and I had met in New Zealand a year earlier and we were on our way back to the UK to get married in her home town in Essex (yes, she’s an Essex girl … but not that kind).

Because we had met when we were both in separate mid-circuits of the globe, and as a result had disjointed tickets to use up. We were going to fly back to the UK on Qantas via Bangkok, take separate flights out of London to Fort Worth in Texas, then join up there for the final leg back to Sydney, via San Francisco and Hawaii (I think).

More Bangkok for your buck

We flew “non-smoking” (remember that?) and problem number one occurred when we got to Bangkok and Qantas workers went on strike (remember strikes?).  We called up the emergency contact number and they told us they’d get in touch as soon as they could get us flights on to London.

“Hang on a minute,” I said before the irritated Qantas rep could hang up.  ‘Under IATA regulations, aren’t you required to provide accommodation?”

“I suppose,” she sighed heavily and directed us to an airport hotel where we would be billeted, fed and watered until they could find us seats for the onward journey.

This wasn’t so bad.  The hotel was a bit better than the one we’d been staying in and our only complaint was that we wouldn’t be able to get to the UK to “post the banns” in time for the wedding. BTW: We got Sue’s Dad to do it so, technically, I suspect we’re not officially married.

Thai-ed and tested

The flight out was on Thai Airlines via Mumbai.  A man who joined the flight in India and took the seat next to mine was an American misanthrope who, among other “angry man” actions, stuck his knees into the back of the seat in front to stop the passenger reclining. Even when the steward was fiddling with the seat mechanism, he sat resolutely knees up, looking innocent.

We got to England and the wedding went well. After a trip up to Scotland to visit my folks, we carried on.  I was on United or American to Dallas/Fort Worth and Sue was flying Pan Am (remember them?) via New York to join me.

My flight was diverted via Chicago and then delayed due to a violent storm somewhere but I was making progress, although slower than I had thought.  Sue got to New York and Pan Am went on strike and she was stuck there for a night.

While there she managed to cause a stramash in the hotel breakfast buffet by refusing to pay for the contents of her plate as individual items, rather than the set price, because she hadn’t taken bacon.

The individual items cost a bit more and the desk clerk was insisting on adding them up.  All Hell broke loose, apparently, when other guests said they hadn’t had the bacon either but had only been charged the “big breakfast” lower price. The cashier insisted they come back to the till and pay the extra.

Texas arranger

Now, these were the days before mobile phones so the only way we could keep track of each other was by calling via landlines to our friend Barry in Texas, with whom we were due to be staying.

But finally we both arrived safely and we had a terrific time, including my first and only July 4th in the USA which, because this was Texas, was bigger than Ben Hur.

The first hurdle on the way home was when we tried to leave DFW.  The tickets back then were carbon backed slips of flimsy paper in a booklet (remember them?).

‘I’m sorry, honey,’ the check-in lady said to Sue. ‘I can fly you from London to here but I can’t fly you from here to anywhere.’ Clearly someone in London had torn out the wrong slip from the booklet.  A few tense phone calls later and the staff member nodded and smiled, we were free to travel.

Unhappy landing

There were a couple of stops en route to San Fran, one of which was Laramie, where we were told we had an hour to kill so we could get off and stretch our legs if we wanted.

We did – who doesn’t want to take a rare opportunity to set foot in a legendary cowboy town? – but when we got back on the plane, someone had taken our seats. Not only that, they weren’t moving, literally holding determinedly on to their seats so we couldn’t shift them if we wanted to.

The stewardess told us we had to get off the plane.  I refused.  She said if we didn’t, we’d be arrested by air marshalls for failing to obey the instructions of a crew member, which was and still is a serious offence.

Back at the gate, one of the ground staff was telling us that there were no seats on the flight so we would have to wait for the next one, several hours later. We explained that we had a connecting flight to catch so that wasn’t feasible. And anyway, it was their error so they had to fix it.

Meanwhile a guy at the immediately adjacent desk was talking into a microphone:  “Would passengers Williams and Thomson please make their way to Gate 13 where their plane is awaiting departure.”

“Listen to your colleague,’ Sue said. “He’s calling our names.’

‘Don’t tell me who to listen to, Ma’am,” she said.  “You should be listening to me.”

“OK, listen to this,” I said. “Our luggage is in the hold of that plane and if it takes off without us, the airline and you will be committing a Federal offence under IATA rules.”

Now, I had no idea if the International Air Transport Association had any such regulation – or if there was any such federal crime – I was making it up as I went along. But mentioning IATA did the trick in Bangkok and it worked here too. 

A few minutes later we were sitting the jump seats usually reserved for crew members, en route for San Francisco, Hawaii and home.

Sitting pretty (angry)

That should have been it, but the mischievous gods of air travel weren’t finished with us yet. The plane landed in Hawaii and filled up with a lot of military types.

A stewardess came up asked Sue if she would mind moving seats so that a father and daughter could sit together.  On reflection, they probably saw two different names on the manifest and decided we were probably not travelling together.

They should have checked.  This turned out to be the last straw for my blushing bride who turned her steely gaze on the stewardess and said: “I am on my f****ng honeymoon, and I’m not moving for you or anyone else.”

That was 35 years ago in July, despite the strike-hit flights, stolen seats, lost tickets and the threat of arrest she’s now an award-winning travel writer and we are still married.  Well, almost.

Read more of Jimmy’s travel writing HERE, writing HERE and HERE on Flat Chat

Go West for a downtown deal in Perth

THE DEAL: Stay for two nights from A$579 /room, valued up to A$1,930

THE APPEAL: Endless sunny skies, pristine beaches and buzzing city streets await with a stay at the lavish Crown Metropol Perth, an iconic five-star resort oasis minutes away from the CBD.

As Australia’s leading integrated resort and one of the city’s most extraordinary hotels, Crown Metropol Perth is a destination within a destination, where you’ll experience nothing but the best.

Enjoy access to state-of-the-art resort facilities, including palm-fringed blue lagoon pools, a kid-friendly water playground and a cocktail bar with poolside service, along with award-winning dining, exciting entertainment and boutique shopping, all without even having to leave the complex.

Boasting a prime location on the banks of the Swan River that offers incredible views of the Perth skyline, the wonders of the city await just outside your door.

Spend an afternoon wandering the breathtaking garden displays at Kings Park and Botanic Garden, bask in the sun at Cottesloe Beach, or discover the plethora of wineries and breweries in Swan Valley, a mere 30 minutes from the city.

For room choices, prices and more from Luxury Escapes CLICK HERE or call 1300 88 99 00

Iberian Idyl, Porto to Salamanca on the Duoro river cruise

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I love a river cruise and now I’ve said it, I’m trying to analyse why. There’s the usual cruise plus of unpacking once and organising your room just the way you like it. That instant relaxation that comes just from being on water and getting that floaty feeling.

The extra joy of the river cruise for me is there’s always something interesting to look at on the banks as you glide along. That can be anything from a magnificent historic church or castle to a humble and disinterested duck going about its business.

Historically, if you didn’t have the Romans to build roads for you, life and commerce happened along and beside rivers, so there are always plenty of interesting ancient places to investigate. Of course, the Romans left their centuries-ahead-of-their-time mark in the Iberian Peninsula so it’s the best of both worlds.

The Douro is a river worth cruising as along its banks are some of the finest towns and most magnificent scenery you could wish for.

It was once a wild river, notoriously challenging to navigate, especially for the traditional flat-bottomed boats, which often foundered in its waters.

Today it has been tamed by a system of dams and locks, which have raised the water level to produce a topography reminiscent of Scotland’s lochs that enhances the valley’s charm.

Riviera Travel is offering an eight day cruise for only a smidgeon over $3000pp that really makes the most of this unique waterway, starting in the Roman city of Porto, the home of Port wine.

Embark the ship in Porto and familiarize yourself with your five-star floating hotel. From the moment you board, the welcoming crew are at your service.

In no time you’ll be settled into your luxurious, thoughtfully furnished accommodation and familiarising yourself with all the first-class aspects of this floating boutique hotel.

Portugal’s once wild river Douro has been tamed by locks into resembling a series of finger lakes, adding greatly to the valley’s ambience.

Sailing in the morning, your first delicious breakfast is served by the attentive crew and whilst you linger over another coffee, you can really start to unwind as we leave the city skyline far behind.

Head up on deck to appreciate the changing landscape in all its splendour as the river weaves its way between the lush hillsides; from the first morning on board, it’s very apparent that the Douro is one of Europe’s most photogenic river valleys and the topography has prevented the building of extensive riverside roads. 

Day three sees a visit to Castelo Rodrigo, a delightful 12th-century walled village tucked away in the picturesque highland ranges bordering Spain.

Its church was a resting place on the pilgrimage route to Santiago de Compostela and it is said that Saint Francis himself stayed here. The views are simply stupendous, stretching across almost-deserted ochre hillsides.

Then it’s on to Salamanca. Founded by the Romans, who erected its 389-yard-long bridge, Salamanca is mostly built from local sandstone that emanates a gorgeous rose-coloured glow in the sunlight.

Perched on a hill on a bend in the serene River Tormes, the city is a picture of tranquillity but its history is turbulent, having been successively fought over by Hannibal, the Moors, then the Duke of Wellington and Napoleon.

Salamanca is also the home of one of Europe’s oldest universities, two of its finest cathedrals, Spain’s finest city square and even the Inquisition!

The Spanish Inquisition’s records are still kept here, and as early as the 16th century it boasted some 12,000 students.

Seeing its immaculately preserved lecture halls with their vaulted ceilings, it’s easy to conjure an image of Christopher Columbus addressing the learned men of the day or legal experts constructing the international laws that originate here.

You will adore the away-from-it-all experience and visit some of Iberia’s most beautiful medieval towns, monasteries and vineyards, and feel you have been away for months!

For all the details and pricing from Riviera Travel, CLICK HERE

Off-grid eco luxury in new Blue Mountain lodge

If you’re a Mildrover who likes to feel you’ve gone bush yet you’re only a three-hour scenic drive from Sydney, you may have already discovered Turon Gates near the Blue Mountains.

With its 6,000 acres of tranquility, Turon Gates has been the go-to escape for lovers of log cabins, camping and glamping for 50 years. Nestled in that much nature, you might not see another guest all weekend, surely part of the reason why it’s so popular as a retreat for romantic couples.

Now the owners have added a new attraction, a luxury lodge with scenic views from wherever you look and inside is the perfect temperature come rain shine or snow (it happens!) Christmas in July anyone?

“Sunvale” is perfectly suited for a stunning, hedonistic experience for up to eight guests who love to cook, relax and play together in a warm, ambient setting highlighted with exquisite timbers and rich leather furnishings. This is a unique stay experience in a very private natural setting.

“Sunvale” has ample space and multiple living areas for the whole crew to chill and unwind with both indoor and outdoor entertaining areas. Inside, you will find high ceilings, chandeliers, stunning art and a wide, transparent, crackling fireplace backed by panoramic views. 

Four large bedrooms and two supersized bathrooms add to the feeling of space and grandeur. The full-sized kitchen is an entertainer’s delight complete with a dishwasher, multiple refrigerators, a large gas range, oven, espresso machine and everything you need to make gourmet meals.

Step onto the 100 sqm balcony, drag your eyes away from the view for a minute and you’ll discover a timber-panelled hot tub, a gas BBQ, dining table and sun lounges to make the most of those amazing mountain and valley sunset views.

After dinner, relax in a camp chair, warming around a firepit in the cool mountain air and gaze at the never-ending stars.

While the lodge does offer a 65” TV, Bluetooth speaker systems and Wi-Fi, the focus is the natural beauty of Turon Gates.

To this end, Sunvale has floor-to-ceiling glass bi-fold doors to take full advantage of the scenic views offering a complete indoor/outdoor living environment.

When it’s time to retire, sink into the plush, king-sized, four-poster beds in airconditioned/heated comfort and wake to breathtaking views from every room.

Even the bathtub for two with a concertina glass wall provides another way to enjoy nature in luxury.

Relish a guilt-free escape knowing your stay has a minimal environmental footprint. ‘Sunvale’ is built with recycled timber, is completely off-grid and almost entirely solar-powered, with gas only used for the four-burner stovetop.

Guests are welcome to enjoy the activities at Turon Gates including guided horse rides, varied hiking trails, canoeing, swimming and trout fishing in crystal clear Turon River waters.

Nearby you can uncover the world of glow worm caves, adrenaline-pumping adventures like abseiling and canyoning, or go super-luxe with a breathtaking helicopter ride offering panoramic views of Capertree Canyon.

Or how about a drive to a vineyard cellar door in nearby Mudgee to get your wines for dinner?

Michael Lunoe of Turon Gates says, “It has been our dream to offer a truly elegant bush lodge. We believe Sunvale offers something truly exceptional and unusual. To have this much space and this much privacy is really unique”

Rates for Sunvale start from $1175 per night, for more information about Turon Gates including accommodation options, prices and availability CLICK HERE

Travel guides – knowing where you’re going

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I’ve never been much of a fan of travel guidebooks.  Back in the day, if you used the Lonely Planet as your guide to a city, you’d soon find yourself surrounded by clones of yourself or at least members of your itinerant tribe, all reading the same section of the local edition.

Tripadvisor was revolutionary when it first lobbed on our computers, then phones. It has so much more information. and is more up-to-date but is but deeply flawed, simply because of the sheer numbers of reviews by occasional travellers who don’t read websites like this one. 

Basically, you have to apply a “newbie” filter to remove the reviews that complain about things not being exactly what they had at home or in their favourite Holiday Inn. Look for reviews by people who’ve posted lots of comments elsewhere – at least you can get a feel for what they do and don’t like.

I don’t know how inexperienced travellers would have coped with my first hotel in Saigon where it took me two days to discover the reason the hot water never warmed up was because both sink taps were connected to the cold water pipe.

This was the same hotel where I met a Scots couple who asked me if my air con worked. It did.  They told me that theirs didn’t; it didn’t matter how much they turned it up, it just got hotter and hotter.

Not much call for air-con in Scotland, I guess. I explained that they were turning up the temperature, not the cooling power.  Sadly, they were checking out when I met them – they had loved Vietnam but they’d just spent a week in a sauna.

These days I go by personal recommendations first – that’s how I discovered the Citizen M chain where I have stayed many times in Glasgow plus once at Charles De Gaule airport in Paris.

Our writer Sue Williams has stayed in one in London too where they gave her a room with a view of the Tower, no less.

But personal recommendations can backfire.  I recommended the hotel in Hanoi featured on this website, mainly because of its location.  I didn’t know that when it rained, water poured from the balcony into the room.

I should have realised from the fact that my friends weren’t interested in the price that they would have been happier somewhere more expensive … and drier.

It’s hard to underestimate the power of the internet when it comes to travel advice.  We were in Cuba a few years ago and stayed in a casa particular in Cienfuegos which was a terrific little place.

Casa particulares are basically the local equivalent of Airbnb, or at least the original concept of staying in a room in someone’s house.  The host was falling over himself to get a good review.  His was the No2 Casa in Cuba and he wanted to be number one.

I said number two was pretty good but, prior to Tripadvisor, he had struggled for years due to not being listed in Lonely Planet.  The properties that were listed got all the traffic and the other operators had to feed off the crumbs.

Then along came Tripadvisor and turned the world on its head.  The favoured few had become complacent and couldn’t raise their game to compete.  Our amigo was now a prince among proprietors, but he wanted to be king.

This, of course, is exactly what Fidel warned about when he railed against the forces of capitalism.

When it comes to booking accommodation in places that I don’t know, I have a process that’s a little bit complicated and far from foolproof. First I check the booking apps like Booking.com and Agoda to see what’s available in the area where I want to stay and is in my price range.

Then I look at Tripadviser for reviews, then go back and use that as a filter for the booking website.  I have rarely been let down but then I expect travel to come with challenges.

And while I try to avoid Airbnb for philosophical and political reasons, I realise that any apartment you book on Booking.com or any other platform is likely to be on Airbnb too.  Increasingly, that includes hotels and motels.

A case in point was the terrific little two-bed apartment Kieran and I booked in Avignon as a base for our Northern Provence hike last year.  Once inside, we realised it was all set up for Airbnb.

As an aside, the description said the stairs were “a bit tricky”. Who knew that “tricky” was code for three flights of steep and narrow spiral stone steps designed to impede the passage of even moderately sized travel bags?

Then there was the Sunny Serviced Apartments in Saigon.  My spacious, clean and well-appointed room was non-smoking, which was great, but the one along the hall definitely wasn’t. 

Every day when the chain-smoking businessman who lived there permanently was out, the cleaners opened his door and windows (presumably so they could breathe), blowing all the stale smoke into my room.

Eventually they moved me to a room at the back with a fascinating view of the rear of a low-rise apartment block – no, really, it was quieter and less crazy than the street view.  In any case, what can you expect for $79 a night, two streets from the Opera House?

So I don’t trust review sites 100 per cent and I always have a final check before booking.  We didn’t when we travelled to a family event in Waihi Beach, New Zealand, and my  highly professional, award-winning travel-writer partner booked us into a grotty motel in Waihi, 15 minutes away by car.

She didn’t even have a chance to put a dent in a cushion before I’d located a very nice (and brand new) studio flat at the beach.

I should have known better. She’s a backpacker at heart.  The first hotel  where we stayed in Brisbane had pressed tin foil ashtrays (ashtrays!?!) screwed to the bedside tables.

The one she picked for us in Glasgow had a soft-drinks vending machine right outside the door.  Nothing lulls you to sleep quite like the steady hum of a refrigeration unit.  Nothing rouses you from you slumbers quite like the rumbles and clunks of cans of Irn Bru being dispensed.

Of course, they wouldn’t say that in the description of the hotel but you can bet your bottom dollar an angry American would have put in his or her ten cents worth in a one-star review.

Thank heavens for newbies with Tripadvisor accounts – they’re the canaries in the travel coalmine.

Pull into the Pullman for a Bali bargain

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It doesn’t take much to tempt Aussies to Bali. There’s surfing and coral reefs to scuba and snorkel around. There are temples, markets, beach hawkers, volcanos, rice paddies, “real” expensive brand name watches and handbags, the entire spectrum of Australians and it’s exotic and familiar.

But the Pullman Bali Legian Beach is putting its own icing on the Balinese cake with a limited time package that’s not only half price but includes:

  • Daily breakfast
  • Two themed buffet dinners for two
  • Daily house cocktail per adult
  • Two 60-minute massages per package
  • 20% off spa treatments and dining
  • Daily kids’ club access
  • One-time entry to Tropical Temptation Beach Club
  • One child (11 and under) stays free, sleeping on existing king or twin single bedding, with breakfast and dinner inclusions

This five-star beachfront haven is perfectly poised between Bali’s famous Kuta and Legian beaches so you can use it as a peaceful oasis or a base to exploit more up-tempo nightlife. Both worlds are there, you get to choose.

If you have a rug rat or two, there’s a kids’ club so you have a few hours of couple retreating with a clear conscience. It’s a Luxury Escapes bestseller for a reason and this could be it for you.

While the local area is dotted with vibrant bars and trendy restaurants, this luxurious hotel feels quiet and exclusive thanks to a ring of Balinese tropical gardens, hiding three pools, a breathtaking spa and an onsite restaurant.

There’s plenty to discover beyond the hotel – including some Bali’s best day clubs and boutique shopping – but this luxury oasis has plenty to entice you to stay and simply lounge within the hotel’s grounds, with its lush garden surrounds.

While the little ones have the time of their lives at the kids’ club, adults can sip cocktails and indulge by the ocean-view infinity pool or embrace tranquillity at the Tjakra-7 Spa.

Treat yourself to a global dining affair at Montage or opt for something a little more relaxed with a drink and small bite at one of the stunning bars.

For details of this time-limited Luxury Escapes deal, CLICK HERE or call 1300 88 99 00

Go retro or metro – and save half your gold

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THE DEAL: Stay for three nights from A$499 /room, valued up to A$1,153 a saving of up to 57%

THE APPEAL: The Vibe hotel on the Gold Coast is the perfect place to stay when you go to see your footy team play on the Goldie, a golf trip or other sunny temptations.

Glitzy, retro-inspired Miami pool club vibes welcome you to the champagne shores of Surfers Paradise at Vibe Hotel Gold Coast.

Blessed with over 52 kilometres of glistening beaches, world-class surf spots, captivating theme parks and a staggering 300 sun-drenched days annually, the Gold Coast stands as one of Australia’s most iconic escapes.

This laidback hotel is perfectly positioned for the ideal Gold Coast getaway, with superb access to the famous Esplanade.

Lounge in poolside cabanas and dine at the surf-themed Driftwood Social eatery, all with stunning views of the tranquil Nerang River, Gold Coast Hinterland and the ocean beyond.

Located steps from Cavill Avenue, right in the heart of Surfers Paradise with a tram stop less than five minutes away, Vibe Hotel Gold Coast is the ultimate launchpad to this glittering destination.

Whether you want to get up close to marine life at Sea World, stroll along the shores of the Gold Coast’s most iconic beachfront or get lost among Pacific Fair’s 400 retail stores, this seaside hotel is the perfect retreat for relaxation after exciting days of discovery.

For all pricing and other details from Luxury Escapes CLICK HERE or call 1300 88 99 00

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